


Separation

by Rilannon



Series: The Coronavirus Chronicles [2]
Category: British Comedy RPF, Just Puddings (Web Series), Off Menu with Ed Gamble and James Acaster (Podcast)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Dirty Talk, M/M, Sex Toys, Skype Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:13:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23591386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rilannon/pseuds/Rilannon
Summary: As the lockdown continues, Ed has a genius idea to expand his sex life with James. He just hopes that James is on board with it too.
Relationships: James Acaster/Ed Gamble
Series: The Coronavirus Chronicles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698142
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I keep having ideas for these two in lockdown, so this will turn into a mini series. Any suggestions are gratefully welcomed!

James is startled by the noise of his door buzzer. He gets up off the sofa, where he had been staring at the Netflix menu for the last 20 minutes, to answer it. ‘Hello?’ 

A gruff voice responds. ‘I’ve got a delivery for you. I’ll leave it downstairs.’ 

‘Ok, cheers mate.’ James frowns as he buzzes the delivery guy into the building. He hasn’t ordered anything online recently, so he has no idea what is being delivered. He grabs his keys and closes the door behind him as he jogs down to the building entrance.

Waiting for him on the floor is a non-descript package with his name on. He picks it up carefully, but there’s no other indication about who it’s from. 

Once James gets back to his flat, he opens the box with some trepidation. He assumes that one of his friends sent him something to help relieve the boredom of lockdown, but no-one had told him to expect a delivery. He has a moment of panic that a fan has somehow got hold of his address and has sent him something, but as the box opens and a gift note falls out, he relaxes slightly. He ignores the item in the box for now and opens the note. 

“Hi James, got you a little something. It’s for both of us really, I hope you enjoy it.  
Ed X”

James reads the note through twice before lifting the item out of the packaging. He starts laughing before he’s finished reading the label, and he reaches for his phone and dials Ed. Ed picks up almost straight away. ‘Hey James, did you get my present?’

James is still laughing. ‘Why did you get me a Clone-a-Willy kit?’

‘Because I thought it would be fun!’ The smile is evident in Ed's voice. ‘Plus, if you make it and post it to me, I’ll be able to find out what it feels like to get fucked by you.’ 

James’s laughter stops as he registers Eds words. ‘...Seriously? You want me to make a dildo of my own cock and send it to you...’ 

‘So I can fuck myself with it over Skype and you can watch, yes. And technically it’s a vibrator.’ 

‘...Fucking hell Ed!’

There’s a pause from the phone. ‘Do you want to go and do it now? It takes ages to set.’

‘... You’ve really been thinking about this, haven’t you?’

Ed chuckles. ‘Ever since I got the idea for it, I haven’t been able to think of anything else. The anticipation of waiting for that to be delivered has been horrible.’ James turns the kit over in his hand, considering Eds proposal. The more he thinks about it, the more he can imagine it, Ed sliding a silicone copy of his cock inside himself, the closest they can get to actually fucking until the lockdown is lifted. He sighs as he feels a predictable tightness in his trousers. ‘That does sound hot.’

He can almost see Eds grin. ‘Excellent. I’ll let you get on with it then, you can tell me all about it later.’ James rolls his eyes but he can feel himself smiling. ‘Ok, talk tonight.’ They say their goodbyes and the line goes dead, leaving James holding his phone in one hand, and the kit in the other. He sighs, before opening it up and digging out the instructions. It’s not like he had anything better to do today. 

* * *

Ed has been in a haze of anticipation all day after the call from James. He had been nervous about just ordering the kit and sending it straight to James, without even discussing it. James had seemed to get on board pretty quickly with the idea though. The first time they had tried sex over Skype, it had been over very quickly, James unable to hold back after seeing Ed finger himself as promised. The sight of James coming all over himself had made Ed come as well, and they had managed to laugh about it after they had cleaned themselves up. Ed was hoping for a similar reaction once the replica of James’s cock was ready and in his hands. 

He settles down on his bed and dials James's number. James picks up after a few rings. ‘Hey Ed.’ 

‘Hey James.’ Ed shifts against the bed in anticipation. ‘How did you get on today?’

James chuckles. ‘You really are desperate to get fucked aren’t you?’ Ed just laughs softly but doesn’t deny it. James chuckles again. ‘It was... Interesting. Like a science experiment, except I didn’t stick my dick in any of the science experiments I did in school.’ Ed laughs, the image of a teenage James with his dick in a conical flask flashing into his mind. James laughs too. ‘Its finished though, I’ve just put the silicone in the mould and stuck the vibrator in. Just need to leave it for 24 hours to set.’ Ed feels his breath catch at the though of James actually doing it, sticking his hard cock into the tube to create the mould, probably feeling self conscious about the whole thing. ‘Did you get off after?’ 

James shifts on the other end of the phone. ‘Yeah, just had a shower to clean up. If I had known you were about to call I would have waited. This is for you more than it is for me.’

Ed grins. ‘I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s for both of us really.’ He can feel his own erection growing. ‘I cannot wait for that to be ready and in my hands. And in my ass.’ 

James groans. ‘...You do realise I won’t be able to join in, right? I only got off a few minutes ago, I’m not 23 any more.’ Ed just laughs, turning into a sigh as he palms the bulge in his trousers. ‘That’s fine, just talk to me. Tell me what you were thinking about to stay hard.’

‘You know what I was thinking about.’ James's voice has gone all low and breathy. Ed pulls down his trousers and underwear, gets a hand round his cock and starts stroking. ‘Yeah, wanna hear you say it.’

James sighs, crackly down the phone line. ‘I was thinking about fucking you. About just spreading you open and making you take it.'

‘Fuck James, want that, want you to make me take it.’

‘I know you do, its very clear how much you want to get fucked.’ James hesitates for a moment. ‘Such a slut.’ 

Ed groans and picks up the pace of his hand. ‘ _Fuck_ yes, such a slut for your cock James. Want it filling me up so bad.’ 

‘Yeah? Want me to slide in deep, stretch you out and make you feel good?’ 

Ed is panting now, his hand nearly a blur. ‘Yeah, wanna feel you so deep. Want your cock inside me so bad.’

‘When I get to fuck you for real, I’m going to take my time, really make you feel every sensation.’ If Ed pretends, it almost sounds like James is murmuring into his ear, the tone of his voice combined with the unexpected filth of his words pushing him right to the edge. He manages to gasp out ‘Yeah?’

James chuckles down the phone, but Ed feels it like a caress over his skin. ‘Oh yeah, I’m going to really draw it out, until you’re begging me to make you come. I bet it’ll take ages though, you’ll be enjoying having my cock filling you up too much to want it to end.’ Ed groans at the image that James is painting. ‘Yeah, James, _please_ , so close.’

‘Yeah, just like that. You gonna come for me Ed?’ 

‘Yeah, _fuck_ James, gonna...’ Ed tails off into a sob and comes, hard. He strokes and squeezes to prolong the feeling, coming back to himself in stages until he’s just holding himself gently. ‘...Fucking hell James, where did that come from?’ 

James’s chuckle is more embarrassed this time. ‘I don’t know, but you seemed to be enjoying it, so I went with it.’ Ed feels a tinge of embarrassment himself. ‘Well yeah... I’m not normally like that, you know.’ He wipes his hand off on his already ruined t-shirt. 

‘Like what?’

‘That... wanton. Desperate.’

‘I’ve got to be honest, if I had imagined one of us begging to get fucked, I thought it would have been me.’

Ed smiles to himself. ‘Same here. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what it feels like, so I’m obsessing over it.’

‘Give it a few days and you’ll be able to get a pretty good idea.’ There’s a rustling from the phone as James moves around. ‘So other than obsessing about having my cock in your ass, what else have you been up to?’

They chat for a while about Eds day and the various online gigs they were planning on doing, until Ed yawns half way through a word. James laughs. ‘Time for bed I think.’ 

‘No, I’m fi...’ Another yawn interrupts Ed and James laughs at him again. Ed grumbles but they say their goodnights before James hangs up. Ed stares at the ceiling for a moment, suddenly furious at the world for putting him in this situation. He’s aware that he’s probably falling in love with James, and he wants nothing more than to touch him for real, to feel the heat of his blush and the strength of his grip, to fall asleep next to him and wake to see his fluffy bed hair. Instead, he hauls himself out of bed to change his t-shirt and use the bathroom, before curling up in bed and falling into a fitful sleep, alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I did research Clone-a-Willy kits especially for this fic...


	2. Chapter 2

James checks his phone for the hundredth time that morning. He had prised the silicone replica of his own cock out of the mould the day before, and had tidied up the edges and added some batteries before sticking it in a spare padded envelope he had lying around. He had ventured out to the post office and paid extra for next day tracked delivery, so he would know as soon as the package was delivered. The anticipation was killing him. 

His phone buzzed in his hand, startling him. He looks to see the notification email saying that his parcel had been delivered, and his heart jumps into his throat. In his minds eye he can see Ed sat at his kitchen table, ripping into the package in his haste, taking the fake cock out and examining it, his eyes going dark as he picks up his phone...

James’s phone rings in his hand, startling him for the second time in as many minutes. It’s Ed. He quickly answers. ‘Hey, what do you think?’ 

There’s nothing but heavy breathing down the phone for a moment. James frowns, checking the caller ID. ‘Ed?’

‘... Please tell me you’re free now.’ Ed sounds half way gone already, his voice wrecked with arousal. James feels his cock jump in his trousers in response. ‘You that desperate?’

‘Yeah.’ Eds simple admission makes something ache in James’s chest. His voice softens. ‘Ok, go get your laptop set up, I’ll Skype you in a minute.’ 

‘...Ok. See you in a minute.’ Ed hangs up, leaving James sat on his sofa in silence. He’s never felt the distance between them as keenly as he does now. All he wants is to hold Ed, soothe his desperation and make him happy. Instead, he grabs his laptop and heads to his bedroom. 

James sets up his laptop on his bed and logs into Skype. He sees that Ed is already online, and he calls him straight away. Eds face fills his laptop screen as he answers the call. ‘Hey.’ 

James knows he’s staring, but he can’t help himself. Eds pupils are blown, his eyes dark and his hair a mess, like he’s been running his hand through it. James can just imagine that _he’s_ done that, that his hands have messed up Eds hair, that he’s the reason Ed looks like he’s just waiting to be devoured. He shakes his head to snap himself out of it. ‘Hey. Wow you look...’ 

Ed mouth turns up in a wry grin. ‘Desperate?’

James shakes his head. ‘Well yes, but I was going to say incredible. God I wish I was there right now.’ 

Eds grin turns into a real smile. ‘Yeah me too.’ He reaches off camera and returns with the vibrator that James had made. ‘You should have seen me when this got delivered. I was so close to just stripping off and getting this inside me straight away, but I thought I’d better wait for you.’ James inhales sharply, feeling his trousers tighten. ‘Well I’m here now, so you can do that.’ 

Ed beams at him over the Skype link. ‘I can, can’t I?’ He moves his laptop around and puts the vibrator down next to him on the bed, before pulling his t-shirt off. James just watches as he shuffles back on the bed, pulling his trousers and underwear down to reveal his hard cock. He glances at the screen as he settles himself against the pillows. ‘Come on, I’m not the only one being naked here!’ 

James shakes himself out of his stupor. ‘Yeah, sorry.’ He quickly undresses, throwing his clothes in a pile in the corner of his room. He looks back at the screen to see Ed stroking his cock, the bottle of lube visible on the bed next to the vibrator. James gets comfy, making sure that he can see Ed but that Ed can also see him. It seems important that Ed knows just how much this turns him on. He starts stroking his cock, slowly at first. He doesn’t want a repeat of the last time they tried this over Skype. 

Ed groans as James starts stroking, his own hand moving to match James’s pace. They stroke in tandem for a while, before Ed takes his hand away to reach for the lube. James watches in fascination as he uncaps the bottle and squeezes some out onto his fingers. ‘Don’t forget to let that warm up.’

Ed rolls his eyes, but he shoots James a fond look through the screen as he rubs the lube between his fingers. ‘What if I like the cold?’ James just laughs softly. ‘Then I will bear that in mind for the future.’ He watches as Eds fingers pass his cock, sliding down past his balls to the dark space underneath. He knows the moment that Eds fingers find their mark, Eds eyes roll back in his head as his back arches. He stares as Ed slumps down further, spreading his legs so that James has a better view, nearly kicking his laptop in the process. James can’t hold back the gasp when he sees that Ed has gone straight for two fingers, buried inside himself up to the second knuckle. ‘Fuck Ed, that is so hot.’

Ed smiles, his eyes half closed with pleasure. He looks blissed out already. ‘Yeah? I couldn’t bear to wait any longer. Wanna stretch myself out so I can take your big cock.’ He starts slowly moving his fingers, stroking in and out and James has to grab the base of his cock, hard, to prevent a repeat of the last time. ‘ _Fuck_... Looks so good. Want to see you fuck yourself with my cock.’ Ed groans as he pushes his fingers as deep as he can manage, his other hand reaching for his cock and beginning to stroke in time with his fingers. James doesn’t feel like he’s going to lose it straight away any more, and he starts cautiously stroking his own cock in time with Ed. 

They continue like that for a while, James watching in fascination as the slide of Eds fingers gets smoother with every moment, his hole relaxing and accepting the intrusion. Ed removes his fingers to add more lube, and James lets out a low moan at the sight of Eds hole, stretched and open. The noise pulls Eds attention back to the screen and he swallows, a flush high on his cheekbones. ‘God James, you look so good.’ He returns his fingers to his hole, spreading the extra lube around. James groans again at the ease at which Eds fingers slip inside himself. He feels like he could fly apart at any moment, shatter into a million pieces. He hopes he looks as desperate as he feels, he thinks he might be trembling but he can’t be sure. ‘Fuck Ed... Need to see you fuck yourself. Please, wanna see you stretched around my cock so bad.’ 

Ed gasps at James's voice, the static echo over the connection only highlighting the distance between them. He reaches for the vibrator and slicks it up with an extra squirt of lube. James stops stroking, nearly holds his breath as Ed brings it down to replace his fingers and starts to press in. 

* * *

Ed groans at the sensation as the vibrator slowly slides in. It was wider than his two fingers, easily the biggest thing he’d had inside himself. The fingers and extra lube had done their job, the burn and stretch of being filled firmly on this side of pleasurable. He keeps up the pressure, breathing hard as his body relaxes to accept the silicone cock inside him. He doesn’t realise that he’s closed his eyes until he feels the base pressed up against him and his eyes fly open, gasping when he realises that he’s got it all in. 

A noise from the laptop speakers catches his attention. He looks over and the sight that greets him punches the air out of him. James looks totally wrecked, flushed and panting, his cock impossibly hard in his hand, the head dark and shiny with precome. Ed thinks he can see James trembling, his hand shaking as his thumb swipes over the head of his cock, causing his hips to twitch and another noise to escape his open mouth. Half way between a moan and a whine, it is the single hottest sound that Ed has ever heard, and he’s absurdly pleased that James looks and sounds as wrecked as he feels, that it’s not just him losing his goddamn mind over this. For a moment they just stay there, a moment frozen in time, watching each other and drinking it all in. 

‘James...’ Ed breathes his name out like a sigh, and James's cock twitches in his hand. 

‘Ed...’ His name in James's mouth sounds like a prayer. ‘God, Ed you have no idea...’ His free hand reaches for the camera for a second, like he could reach through the screen and touch Ed, before it falls back to the bed next to him. Eds heart aches. ‘Yeah James... So good, so full.’ He pulls gently until the replica is almost all the way out, before pushing it all the way back in again, starting up a slow rhythm. James makes a sound like he’s been punched, his hand slowly starting to stroke himself again, matching Eds pace.

Ed changes the angle, searching for his prostate and he shouts when he finds it, electricity racing through his veins. He picks up the pace, his other hand coming to stroke his neglected cock. He’s torn between closing his eyes at the sheer pleasure of it and keeping them open to watch James on the laptop screen, who looks about two seconds away from combusting, the hottest thing Ed has ever seen. He spares half a brain cell to wonder how they are going to survive when they do this for real, whether one or both of them were going to expire from the sheer lust, before a particularly loud noise from James wipes all thought away. 

‘Ed... Ed, turn it on, please, want to see you lose it, want you to come on my cock, need it, please Ed, please.’ Ed has to squeeze his eyes shut then, his hips twitching and thrusting, forward into his hand and back onto the vibrator. The sheer need and desperation has turned James's voice into a low rasp that Ed can almost feel on his skin. 

He reaches down, finds the base of the vibrator and twists the end to turn it on. 

He’s pretty sure he screams as the vibrations start up, the end of the replica pressed right up against his prostate, setting every nerve ending alight with white hot pleasure. He’s vaguely aware of his hips moving, his hand tight and slick with precome, but he can’t focus on anything but the pleasure that burns through him. He feels his orgasm barrelling down on him like a freight train, but he can’t quite get there. He forces his eyes open, needing to see James, wanting to watch his reaction. 

He manages to focus his eyes on the screen to see James's hand frantic on his cock. He notices Ed looking at him, and almost instantly he arches, his cock spurting white as he comes. ‘Fuck, Ed...!’ Almost as if that was what his body was waiting for, Eds own orgasm finally hits him. He’s pretty sure he passes out for a second, the pleasure roaring through him like wildfire and obliterating any other thought. 

He doesn’t know how long he lies there, the buzz of the vibrator edging towards painful oversensitivity before he musters up the strength to turn it off. He doesn’t remove it yet, not ready for the emptiness he knows will follow. He opens tired eyes to see James on the laptop screen, sprawled back against his pillows with his eyes closed, flushed and panting, his belly shiny with his own come. Ed makes a sound at the sight, and James's eyes flicker open slowly. He smiles when he sees Ed, soft and satiated. ‘...Wow.’ 

Ed just nods, still too overwhelmed to speak. He reaches down and gently slides the vibrator out, feeling himself shiver at the sensation and the gaping emptiness that it leaves behind. He drops it next to him on the bed, while James makes a wounded noise from the laptop. ‘God, your hole... Is it sore?’

Ed feels around the edges of his abused hole, it felt a bit tender, but it was a good ache, like his muscles after a long run. He slips two fingers inside, partially to check and partially to feel just how open he was. There was no resistance to his fingers, they just sent a shiver of aftershocks through him as they slid in. He hears James groan from the laptop. He pulls his fingers out, shakes his head and tries to formulate words. ‘S'OK, bit tender. I'll probably feel it tomorrow.’ 

James nods. ‘OK. I should have sent you some extra lube with that, something with soothing properties.’ 

Ed feels his heart swell at the concern and care in James’s voice, and suddenly those three little words are on the tip of his tongue. He opens his mouth. ‘James, I...'

James cuts him off, his voice suddenly low and dangerous. ‘Don’t.’ He shifts on his bed so that he’s closer to the screen, uncaring about the mess. ‘I know what you’re going to say, but I can’t hear it now. Not when I can’t do a damn thing about it.’ Ed just nods, shutting his mouth firmly. James's expression softens. ‘Just for the record, I feel the same.’ 

Ed can’t help the grin that breaks out on his face. ‘Yeah? Can’t wait to tell you in person, and to have that for real.’ 

James nods. ‘Yeah, me too.’ He shifts away from the screen again, and grimaces at the mess on his stomach. Ed laughs softly. ‘We should probably both go get cleaned up.’

James nods. ‘Yeah, probably a good idea.’ He looks up at the screen through his fringe. ‘Its a good look on you though.’ 

Ed feels himself blush slightly. ‘You don’t look so bad yourself, all messed up.’ James flushes in response, and they both spend a moment grinning dopily at each other before James reaches for his laptop. ‘Still want to talk tonight?’ Ed nods. ‘Yeah, I like talking to you before I fall asleep.’ James looks so pleased at that information, Ed can’t help himself from revealing a little bit more. ‘Sometimes I pretend that you’re actually here in bed with me, instead of all the way over there.’ James's pleased expression goes all soft, and if he hadn’t already implied that he was in love with Ed, Ed could have worked it out from that expression alone. He could read the love and longing and frustration in James's face as clearly as if he had said it out loud. James sighs. ‘Ed... Talk later.’ 

Ed nods, still feeling overwhelmed. ‘Yeah, go get cleaned up and I’ll call you tonight.’

James nods. ‘Bye.’ They wave at each other before the screen goes dark. 

Ed lets his head fall back. He shifts against the bed, just to feel the gentle twinge and bittersweet ache in his ass. He’s going to be feeling it for days, reminding him of how full he had been of James's cock, even if it had been a silicone replica. With a groan he pulls himself up out of bed, taking the replica with him to clean it properly later. He glares at it, angry that it was the closest to James he was going to get for a very long time. Despite his genius idea, it almost felt like it was mocking him, being so close to the reality that he was desperate for. He shakes his head and heads to the bathroom to clean up, the ache in his ass mirroring the one in his chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any prompts for scenarios with these two are very welcome. I already have their post-lockdown reunion planned in my head :)

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I did research Clone-a-Willy kits especially for this fic...


End file.
